Client Story: Learn to Listen to YOURSELF

Recently there have been conversations with clients surrounding "what they SAY" vs their actual reality. It's that DISCONNECT that is a prime reason they are feeling "stuck".

We can SAY anything we want. We're adults. What we need to remember is that the more we say something, the more THAT becomes our reality. It becomes our reality because the more we say something, the more we BELIEVE it.

Client #1:

This client has been with me a long time. He has chronic back issues. He recognizes the benefit of the work we do, but outside of coming to the studio, there isn't much in the way of conciously focusing on his health and wellbeing. He does DO things around the house and property, yes, but sometimes even that can roll into the INABILITY to listen to himself / his body saying "that's enough for now".

This client has ALWAYS been adiment that, "I'll do what I'm told, but I won't do it on my own".* To each their own. The "roadblock" we hit is when things don't happen outside of our sessions, but the complaints stay the same (which means the stories in his head stay the same)...

"I'm just getting old" or 'the famous', "old age sucks"

"My back/body is never going to get better"

"My body is falling apart"

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* I hear that ALOT as a coach. "I'll do whatever you tell me to, but I won't do it on my own." The reality is, it's RARE that it's true. We WANT it to be true because that's the EASIEST route to health. Be told "do this"... you do it... and BOOM! You're healthy! (Sorry, but that's NOT real life). Yet if we open up conversations and possibilities in shifting our mindset, CAN create a more consistent health practice.

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Recently, I began to work from a different approach with him to see if we could create some momentum and "ah-ha" moments for him. I listened to his "reasoning" and so we got him connected into my app so that he can easily see what "he needs to do today". Then just checks it off when he completes it. He seems to appreciate the app so far, and we discuss the target for the week together when he's in to be sure it works for him. Guess what? Things are NOT being completed daily, as he said they would "if I told him what to do". 🤔

I asked him about it recently. He now had OTHER reasons that it didn't get done. In conversation I reminded him, that his GO TO reasoning for NOT doing something with his health habits outside the studio is that "he needs to be told what to do".

Yet, I DID tell him - so why wouldn't it get done according to his reasoning??

See where this is going? Understand, I'm not trying to point fingers OR trying to make him feel bad. I'm trying to OPEN his mind to possibilities and his own walls that are in the way of his health and wellbeing. This example had NOTHING to do with "being told what to do", but rather his reasoning was he had to do the things that SOMEONE ELSE wanted to get done that day instead. Therefore, this isn't about him "needing to be told what to do" for his health habits; It's the ability to say "no" and/or "prioritize" his health habits. In his situation he brought up in conversation, that means having a conversation with the other person, so that they can understand why he needs an extra 10-15min to do his routine first.

I also put the thought out to him to ask, "What would doing your stretches for 10-15min have taken away from your day of yard work?" 🤔😉

Client #2:  

This client has been with me only for just about 6-months. His "wall" that we hit often is slightly different.

The story he keeps telling himself is that "if I push through, and just make it happen, my health goals will be met". That's been the same conversation throughout these 6-months. Granted, we've tried some different approaches in that time, with the most recent being (like with client #1) where we let their theory come to life (or not). Once again, it didn't. In this case, even less than client #1 in terms of consistency.

This client has some chronic health issues that he deals with, and when it flares up there are some tough days on him for sure. We continue to have discussions surrounding the "push through" approach and how his body is NOT able to "push" through in these states, as I try to help him see that this approach isn't having the desired effect either. We most recently touched on how "pushing through" even when he is feeling okay, may not be what his body needs right now. We're trying to work on LISTENING to the body and working WITH IT rather than against it. Even down to the basics like doing LESS reps or ADJUSTING the exercise when he's here and not feeling great. The ability to re-learn that THAT is OKAY and it will actually HELP, will be a HUGE progression when we get there.

In this client's case, he continues to live in the space of "I used to do 'x'". Granted we've had discussions surrounding the fact that his physiology was younger and naturally in a different place, his life chapters were different AND 'these efforts' were BEFORE his chronic health issues arose. To approach things in the SAME WAY is ignoring the body. He's very much in the mindset that he needs to "push" or "feel the exercise session" to "make it count". His body however has different ideas.

I continue to work with trying to OPEN the mind to OTHER possibilities, such as listening to the body TODAY, creating CONSISTENCY through EASY, DO-ABLE habits vs "force" to try to help promote learning to LISTEN TO HIS PHYSIOLOGY. I do believe there's been some progress there over our nearly 6-months together. The reason being, that having these types of conversations out loud can help show the reality of the client's situation:

The words and actions ARE NOT aligning. Therefore, time for a different approach. 😉

THIS is coaching

I love these conversations, "ah ha" moments and experiments with clients. If I create even a "dent" in the current mindset they are stuck in, I've done my job. If I open their mind to the possibility that there are OTHER ways to their health goals than what they keep trying without success, then I've done my job. Undoing years or even decades of a singluar mindset doesn't happen overnight. However, it works on the same principle as the stories they tell themselves each day in their own minds; The more we hear something, the more it can become our reality. Meaning, as long as they're willing to listen and take in even a little bit of our discussions, the more likely change in the mindset and approach will be able to happen.

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What both these clients have in common is, they recognize HOW THEY FEEL when they DO what their body needs. The days they come to the studio for sessions, they leave feeling better than when they came. That's great! If they continue to have the conversations with their coach and work with their own mindset, things will begin to change in positive ways for them in the other 166.5 hrs per week that they're NOT in the studio with me.

THAT is why it's so important to RE-LEARN to LISTEN TO YOUR BODY.

Both of these clients are with me for 90min per week where we not only move their body, but have these conversations surrounding mindset and approach. THIS IS WHY being open to LEARNING to work with the MINDSET and LISTEN to their body is crucial to positive change! Because there's 166.5 hrs left AWAY from those conversations. That takes time, effort and willingness to change. *

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* This is a prime example of how the client-coach relationship is a team effort. Like any team sport, the coach can guide, educate and motivate, but the players need to put the team's strategy and tactics into play on the field. They need to trust the process and put in the work to create the outcome they are looking for. Part of team sports is growth (both as a team and individual player), which only happens through consistent practice.

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If you're finding that your efforts leave you in the same space (mentally and physically) as in the past, it may be a sign to take a breath, step back and listen to what your body is NEEDING. Maybe it needs LESS. Maybe it needs MORE. Whatever it needs to move it in the direction YOU want to with your health goals, be WILLING to LISTEN and be FLEXIBLE in your mindset and approach. If your efforts are NOT producing the outcomes you want in your deep health, maybe THAT isn't what YOU need at THIS TIME, TODAY.

If you need help with WHAT that change is or you need help in recognizing these mental blocks in your deep health goals, consider connecting with a Health & Wellness Coach to help you past those roadblocks through conversations and efforts that you won't find elsewhere.