The Impact of Positive Self-Talk

Only YOU know the conversations that are going on in your head each day. Let's be honest, it's probably for the best right? Many of us are incredibly tough on ourselves, even to the point of bullying (or what would be considered bullying if it were out loud). This is a major barrier to our progress in anything we do in our health practices and it truly needs to stop being overlooked.

It's like preparing for a fight... DAILY... And being pinned against the ropes!

First of all, I think we can all agree that the #$%^ we tell ourselves every day is the OPPOSITE of how we would treat/help others. It would be considered bullying or abuse to treat others the way we internally treat ourselves!!

👉Parents - You would NEVER speak to your kids the same way you speak to yourself would you? Especially when it comes to their health and wellbeing.

👉Non-Parents, Friends, Family - You would NEVER support or speak to someone you care about in the way you talk to yourself each day would you?

Yet on a regular basis, so many of us "put the gloves on" from the moment we wake up, and "take an absolute pummelling, from OURSELVES" each and every day. We're "pinned on the ropes" and "the punches just keep coming" don't they?

We can look at this in TWO ways

1) Pro: It means we care. We WANT to feel better. We WANT to do things better. We WANT to lead a healthy, happy life. That's NOT a bad thing.

2) Con: Consistent abuse of any kind breaks a person down. Even the smallest amount of abuse, day after day (and in this case for years or even decades) abuse will break us down. Even if that abuse is from ourselves.

Then WHY NOT put more ENERGY and FOCUS into CHANGE internally, to impact our DEEP HEALTH??

We've all tried the diets, the workouts, the fanciest programs and pushing ourselves beyond our limits at the time... But how many of us have made a LEGIT effort to take care of our SELF-TALK / INTERNAL BULLY who follows us EVERYWHERE at ALL times!?

**A little disclaimer - I'm not talking like we have to act like everything is "Flowers and Rainbows". I'm talking, REAL, HELPFUL, NON-BULLYING self-talk and/or self-guidance in the same way we'd help a loved one, friend or simply ANY PERSON we're trying to help. **

As I discuss in this previous Zen Blog post the body adapts to what we do most. That INCLUDES the conversations we have internally EVERY, SINGLE DAY:

"You idiot!"

"Loser"

"You suck"

"You'll never get this!"

"You should be doing 'x', so suck it up and do it"

"What's wrong with you?"

"Why can't you just stop it!?"

Anything familiar? Of course, there are many other things our internally bully likes to remind us of each day. All too often however, we just "take the abuse" and allow IT to control WHO WE ARE and HOW WE DO THINGS... as if it's ok and "normal" to take this #$%^ constantly (we certainly wouldn't from others - so why are we doing it to ourselves!?) 🤔

SELF-COMPASSION is NOT "Foo-Foo"

Self-compassion is NOT "foo-foo"!! ...

☯Misunderstood? 100%.

☯Marketed as "bubble baths" and lavendar scents? Yes, totally.

☯Overlooked in our health? You bet!

Most of us today, have been beating ourselves up over our health and wellbeing for years and even decades. Therefore, learning to practice self-compassion will certainly NOT happen overnight or in a few weeks. BUT, putting self-compassion into practice will become your "superpower" in living the lifestyle you want for your health and wellbeing.

Self-compassion and positive self-talk can work as a team to help you change your mindset in all facets of your deep health. Self-compassion can put REALITY into focus for you and an understanding of WHAT IS rather than what you think it "should be".

Here's a few quick examples...

Internal Bully: "I didn't get my exercise done yesterday because I was 'lazy'"

Reality: I didn't sleep great the night before knowing my day was going to be hectic. I was at work by 8am after getting the kids lunches ready for school. Work was busy and meetings were abundant which piled up more work for me. On my lunch I had to run a few errands because I didn't have time after work. I left work right at 4pm to get my daughter fed quick and off to soccer practice. I sent a few emails while at her practice for work that I didn't get done due to all my meetings today. Got home at 7pm.

(i.e. I was SO BUSY today I had NO energy left by the time I could do my exercise... That's FAR from lazy!)

Internal Bully: (after seeing yourself in the mirror) "Ugh.. Lose weight ya slob! Come on! Get it together!"

Reality: Stress has been high due to work, personal life etc over the past 6 months. Energy has been low because of this and I've been LAST on my priority list. I haven't had the energy to put time in for myself and my health. That doesn't mean I'm a slob - but maybe I can start to put a little time in for myself.

Internal Bully: "You can't even follow this diet you said you'd do for more than a week? You suck!!!"

Reality: This diet has alot of foods I don't care for and/or have never eaten before and don't buy. It was alot of energy just to figure it all out. I also don't really like many vegetables and this diet is mostly veggies. Maybe I can start with a couple things from this diet to try instead and see how that goes first.

"The Odd Dance"

We need to begin to learn the "odd dance" between listening and re-learning to trust our physiology, but also learning to gradually shift out the interal bullying that creates so many of our barriers. As with anything in health, it's about balance and it's different for ALL OF US.

Some may argue that the "internal bully" helps push them to do more than they thought they could. I'll argue that - THAT voice isn't your "internal bully" ~ That's "your internal coach".

👉A bully doesn't motivate - a bully drags you down, makes you believe lies, skews your reality and decreases self confidence.

👉A coach - motivates, educates, guides, supports, trusts and helps you see a reality that perhaps you're having a hard time doing on your down. A coach can offer positive talk, while still being realistic and not sugar coating.

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I hear clients create these false realities out loud during coaching sessions;

"I'm getting old" or "It's just old age"

"I'm an insomniac"

"I've never been good at 'x'"

"I can't do 'x'"

"I'm lazy"

... the list goes on. Begin to work with HOW much you allow that internal voice to be in charge, and you'll begin to find that your health practices and daily routines YOU choose, become smoother, more enjoyable and positive.