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Self Compassion is NOT about Bubble Baths & Aromatherapy
Let's start by saying two things:
1) There's nothing wrong with bubble baths and aromatherapy. They can certainly help calm us and relax us. Hell, I typically have my diffuser going at work and we have some at home often spreading some wonderful scents around the house. But let's not confuse this with SELF COMPASSION. Bubble baths and aromatherapy are just tools, not self compassion.
2) NO ONE is immune to the impact of chronic stress in our daily lives. Including Stress Management Coaches (that's me). This is another reason why I to have a Coach (my Holistic Nutritionist - who is also a Somatic Breathwork Practitioner). When we live day to day in our mind, body and world we can become blind to reality (for better or worse). Sometimes we just need that neutral viewpoint to help us understand, to allow us to develop greater self-compassion.
Here's how I view Self Compassion:
It's giving yourself GRACE
It's being REAL with yourself
It's a DESIRE to UNDERSTAND yourself
It's RESPECTING yourself
I want to share a recent example where I said to myself "DUDE! NO WONDER you're struggling!" and to be honest I was schocked at how everything piled on so seemlessly ... until my body broke enough to "shut me down".
I'm writing this at (what I hope) is the tail end of a stomach bug I picked up. The past two days have been not nice at all and I've been laid up on the couch (I'm so tired of the couch - so this morning on Day 3, I'm typing on my front porch). I have a couple theories as to why I picked this up. Ultimately, it doesn't matter - it's been here and I need to continue to do my best to recover. The timing however, fascinates me as I connected some dots.
I was at a wedding on the weekend AND I've heard from several different people about a stomach bug that's been floating around this summer. Fair enough. Maybe I picked it up there? Maybe not. What I did this morning however, kicked my self compassion and in particular my being REAL and UNDERSTANDING myself into high gear.
It's been a long, stressful summer in 2026. Since the start of June when people have asked me how things are going, I often use the word "heavy". It's the best description. There's alot going on both personally and professionally. With that, I decided to make a list of ALL THE THINGS that are putting weight on me since the beginning of June. I knew I had a lot going on but honestly this exercise made my jaw drop and my eyes bug out of my head. I (very quickly) listed 15-things putting weight on me over the past 9-10 weeks, including everything from physical injury, to business stuff, to family and personal life things. FIFTEEN!! Just looking at my list was stressing me, but it also made me understand why my body was unable to keep a stomach bug at bay and even keep my regular routines in place.
I had nothing left.
Chronic stress can build without us even realizing it if/when we're too busy to pay attention. It just chips away, day after day and if we're NOT careful and aware, we'll be well into it by the time we realize it. The best analogy comes from Precision Nutrition who remind us that stress is like a snowball. When we make a small snowball and begin to roll it in the snow (like when we build a snowman) what happens? The snow accumulates, it makes the ball bigger and bigger each time. Stress works the same. It builds and builds over time. If we aren't mindful of how big we want/need that snowball, we'll never be able to lift it to make our snowman.
After making this shocking list, which really allowed me to have that "ah-ha" moment, I then decided to make a list of all the things I WAS doing to manage stress over that same period. I listed 6-different things, however two were only some of the time. From there I listed some things I HAD NOT DONE (some I haven't done AT ALL this summer, but really enjoy). That list was same length. Granted not all were in my control (eg: I've missed my weekly tennis game with friends due to injury/rehab timing).
When we write things down so we can see our thoughts and actions right IN FRONT OF OUR OWN FACE, it hits differently than when we just "think about it". Our reality becomes clearer. Remember, I've spoken here on the blog before about how our minds are wonderful story tellers. When I looked at this list, I kept going back to something my Holistic Nutritionist said to me a month ago:
"I'm curious what it could look like to create a bit more space for yourself that isn't a 'to do' thing and is a 'just be thing'... wondering how that can help with the 'blah' feelings."
When I looked at my "What I HAVE done" list, only 2/6 things I would put into that category that my Nutritionist put out to me. Not that the others are "bad" (eg: injury rehab) but certainly more towards the "shoulding" side or "to-do" side of things. When I look at my list of the things I "HAVE NOT done", all but ONE I would argue fall into the category of what she's putting out there.
By taking some time to reflect, it allowed me to very quickly be REAL with myself, UNDERSTAND deeper what I've had on my plate and why my body has had to be FORCED to STOP. It helps put things into perspective and learn from the experiences. How can I create change for myself? How can I ensure I stay aware of these types of things on a regular basis so they don't get carried away? I'll argue this is actually WHY Coaches need their own Coach(es). As a Health & Wellness Coach, I care about the health and wellbeing of my clients and I wish they ALL would reach their goals in deep health. Also as a Coach you naturally WISH you could help everyone (though eventually you learn that's impossible). That passion to help others, puts alot of energy in one direction, which is outward to others, rather than to myself sometimes. Having my own professional in my corner to help notice the things I miss as I get wrapped up in things, is beyond helpful. And again, HELPS build MY self compassion in the process.
Taking that time this morning to write those lists and reflect has been powerful. It's worked the "self compassion muscle". Like our physical muscles in our body, we NEED to work our "mental muscles" regularly in order to build them and create strength and resilience.
The other thing that DOING these sorts of reflecting exercises do for us is it gives us a boost. It excites us to put some things into action, shift a few things and create a daily lifestyle that takes OUR OWN PHYSIOLOGY into account as a top priority NO MATTER WHAT.
It also has me learning the value of this tool/exercise and to ensure it's a priority to do REGULARLY... rather than when you've already hit the wall.
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