Client Story: The Importance of Communication for Deep Health - How Assumptions Can Lead to Missed Enjoyment

A client of mine is a retired professional, who is also a self-proclaimed stubborn person. Let's just start there. 😉 Yet he is an excellent example of how so much of what we do (or don't do) for our health and wellbeing comes from our mindset and our approach rather than "the best exercise" or "the best diet" plan.

(That was such a great episode... 🤣)

This client enjoys playing "World of Warcraft". It's an online game in a fantasy world with other online gamers for those who are unfamiliar. He plays often with his son who lives 5-6 hours away, his best friend who lives in another province and other friends. The key part of this; He enjoys it! It's fun! (We ALL need more FUN in our days/weeks!!)

What I learned about the game is that when your party goes on raids, it's done in real time. So everyone needs to be online together. His friend's son, the odd time needs to play earlier in the evening. My client was telling me about this and was grumbling at the fact that they possibly had to be online earlier in the evening (he was with me that morning).

"Okay - What's the big deal? What do you have going on tonight that you can't?" I asked.

His response was that his wife would "get upset" if he was playing earlier. 🤔

I brought up some points such as, "you're an adult" and "you're retired", failing to see the problem. In having known the family for well over a decade, I also know that his wife would probably be quite content with him going of on his raid on the computer if we needs to, so that she could watch a show or do whatever SHE wanted. That's what sparked the REALITY of his comment...

HE'S ASSUMING!!

The problem with this: He's putting off his OWN HEALTH (in the sense of fun, enjoyment, something he looks forward to etc) because he THINKS his wife will be "upset".

I called him on it and highly suggest he TALK TO HIS WIFE.

This may seem trivial for some, but let's put it into context. If this is my client's habit (of putting off things HE loves because he ASSUMES his wife will be "upset"), this not only takes away HIS ENJOYMENT in his daily and weekly routines, but it also therefore negatively impacts his deep health!

...Keep putting off fun things, and chronic stress builds up inside

...This impacts our emotional health and our moods in our daily routines

...This can impact our social relationships

...Which can then in turn impact our mental health

Just as one example of how this can negatively impact deep health.

This PRACTICE of putting his own enjoyment off, only makes him BETTER AT DOING JUST THAT. Over time, that builds up and we do it as our default norm. When this is our 'norm', we can try all the "best exercise and health" routines under the sun... it won't matter because YOU are NOT a priority in YOUR OWN DAY.

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When I called the client out on his assumption, I reminded him that it was the EXACT conversation he and I had a year or two ago.

We were discussing his morning routine and he mentioned he would PREFER to wake up earlier in the mornings. He likes waking up early. I used the same statement as this time around: "You're retired. Get up early if you want to". His reasoning for not? He didn't want to wake up his wife or disturb her if he got up early. Fair. So I asked, "Did you talk to her about you preferring to get up early to see what she says?" His response (you may have guessed already) was, "No". 😳

Men!! 🙄🤣

Long story short, he DID eventually talk to her about it. Guess what her response was? "Oh I don't mind. I think I'd actually like to get up early with you!"

Now I don't know how long my client was AVOIDING getting up when HE PREFERRED to get up because of this, but it's another example of how when we are not living our life in ways that speak to US, we are greatly going to NEGATIVELY impact our deep health!!!

Yes, sometimes in a relationship there may be comprimises.

Yes, sometimes there won't need to be either.

But ASSUMPTIONS WITHOUT COMMUNICATION can hold us back from feeling better inside and out. Whether it's with a spouse, partner, family member, friend, colleague... Assuming is NOT REALITY.

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If nothing seems to work for you in your efforts with health and lifestyle habits, maybe it will help to check in with this sort of thing. Do you FEEL like something (or someone) is holding you back?? If so, ask yourself a couple VERY IMPORTANT questions:

Does he/she know how I feel about this habit?

Have I had ANY conversations related to how I feel about what I'm trying to do?

If the answer is "No" - START THERE. You may surprise yourself how good you feel AND how easily the habit may fall into place when a PERCEIVED barrier is out of the way.

This is part of my job as a Health & Wellness Coach. Sometimes we just need that neutral, unbiased ear to suggest something like, "Talk to him/her" and you'd be surprised what doors that can open for one's health.