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Today, as I'm writing this post, it's Valentine's Day 2024. My wife and I for most of our decades together haven't been ones to celebrate the day to be honest. We wish each other a happy valentine's and then (as we do every day) tell each other we love each other. No need for gifts or a "special day" to be reminded of that.
However, I'm reminded of a quote I came across last year that is one of my all time favourites, and for me personally (and I'm sure for many folks), a very big "ah-ha moment" ...
What a powerful question!
I know when I first heard this I thought, "Whoa! I'm not even sure I'd even come to my mind!" When we ponder that for a bit, it's no wonder we continue to see a rise in stress, anxiety, depression, pain etc.
I actually put that quote on the board in the studio this morning to spark some conversation and I got a reaction that tends to be there at some point with at least one person;
Client: "That seems a bit 'foo-foo' for me".
Coach: "Maybe you actually NEED more 'foo-foo' though!"
To use this client's description of these powerful words, I'll add to my comment by also putting out there that I feel our modern world (in regards to personal health) needs more 'foo-foo' (i.e. self compassion).
Self-Compassion is a strong component of our deep health
One of my favourite recent professionals to go to for self-compassion information is Dr Kristin Neff. My first encounter of Dr Neff was on the 10% Happier podcast. Following that episode I dove into her website which has a fantastic abundance of information about self-compassion including; resources, exercises and tips for practice to name a few.
With science solidifying the positive benefits to our overall health and wellbeing, self compassion is a lifestyle tool that should not be overlooked in our deep health toolbox. Even the thought of changing our mentality and inner dialogue from beating ourselves up because "I suck", "I'm no good" or "I'm a failure" is an incredibly appealing opportunity for many people. Simply a deeper understanding in yourself and putting thought and care into our deeper self is a strong move in a positive direction with your health.
A simple exercise to sample this practice of self-compassion
This is based on exercise #1 on Dr Neff's website and is often a go-to in conversation with clients past and present, in addition to with myself (especially when my wife reminds me to do so). I'll break it down quickly here but the idea is the same.
When you're feeling down, negative inner-self talk is rampant and/or you're beating yourself up for something;
Think of someone you care deeply about (best friend, family member, child...)
Imagine THEY are having this same issue and completely "pummelling" themselves because of it...
-How would you support them? Would you support them? -What would you say to them? -What kinds of words would you use in conversation with them?
Suddenly it's not so "foo-foo" anymore is it? It becomes REAL. It becomes a bit more clear in the sense that 99% of us would NEVER talk to someone we love (or even MOST other humans) the way we talk to ourselves internally EVERY... SINGLE... DAY. With that in mind, if you were faced with that barrage of bullying from someone else, especially someone you love - How would you feel? I bet you'd feel a ton of emotions and feelings such as sadness, anger, defeat, low energy, brain fog, increased stress... Right? Yet, MOST of us walk around EVERY... SINGLE ... DAY doing EXACTLY that to ourselves!!!! AND expect our body and mind to "improve" despite the constant attack it's facing.
I say, if you are in the mindset that self-compassion is still "foo-foo"... MAYBE, just MAYBE it's time you add a little "foo-foo" into your daily practices and see where that takes you and your health???
Don't ya think?
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