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I just came back from my teeth cleaning here in town with my dental hygenist, Tasha. She had a student with her today from Canadore College and we were discussing the topic of NOT messaging people later in the evening/night. The topic came up as we were chatting with her student in regards to entrepreneurship and protecting your time.
As I was walking back to the studio to get some work done this morning, Robin Sharma mentioned on a podcast how in today's world so many of us play "victim" to all these external stimuli that are impacting how we live, our health and our happiness. The lack of boundaries is a prime example.
I have evolved to being a professional who will message/call clients back during work hours. I make clients aware that they can message/call ANYTIME they like, as I protect my own time/energy by not having notifications dinging at me every few minutes of the day. They also know, that if it's outside work hours and they don't hear back from me, I ALWAYS will return their message/call at the next convenient time during the next work day.
Let me share a few tips, as Tasha and I chatted about this morning with her student, that we both do, to protect our time and energy (both in business and personal)...
Be unavailable / Set time boundaries
Just because someone texts you DOES NOT mean you HAVE to answer NOW. If you're busy doing something else or if you just don't feel like answering right now - DON'T. That's what I love about text messaging or emails. It allows the RECEIVER to reply when it's convenient for them. Somewhere down the line (since 2007 and the arrival of the smartphone), we've lost that notion.
Two ideas on this you can try:
1) Have a time boundary in the evening. In other words, "after 8:30pm, for example, I will not reply to text messages or emails". Reply the next day when it's convenient and allow your body to wind down from your busy day. This will also allow your body to better prepare for sleep.
*Side note: When you set this boundary for yourself, it's also helpful then to NOT check your phone, messages etc to avoid the urge to reply and to emphasize the "winding down" part of your day. You've earned it!
2) Have blocks of times to check messages in your day. By setting particular times of day to check and reply to emails, texts, voicemails etc you allow yourself the freedom of checking and replying the rest of the day. We truly don't need to be checking our phone 50-100 times per day (the average amount of times people check their phones across all age groups, according to different sources). If we set times to do so, we allow ourselves MORE time for what is important in our day (such as ourselves) AND we open up increased focus, creativity and productivity throughout our day since we're not pulled to our devices.
Follow Through with your own Boundaries
Not only do I mean, when we set boundaries abide by them for our own sake, but I also mean when you tell others that you'll get back to them in a certain timeframe or day... DO IT!!! FOLLOW THROUGH with that statement.
My clients know that when I say "I will always get back to you", I MEAN IT and DO!! THIS consistency in following through with our own boundaries and statements, actually helps solidfy your boundaries. If you tell people "I'll get back to you within 24hrs" and then don't, you create not only distrust, but people also have no clear indication of when they can connect with you. On the flip side, since my clients know that during work hours they'll hear from me (at my earliest convenient time) or that I'll get back to them the very next work day outside of work hours, they more easily respect those boundaries. They have no problem with waiting because they KNOW I WILL follow through with getting back to them.
Use the Tools Available within your Devices
Our technology HAS all the tools we need to help us keep our devices as a TOOL instead of being our EVERYTHING. Yet so many of us are either unaware of these tools OR are avoiding them for various reasons that I can't explain.
Schedule messages - This is a game changer for me, especially with work. Text messages, emails, social media posts... these can ALL be scheduled to go out at a later time. This allows you to protect your time away from your phone, allows you to send something NOW so you don't forget later and it allows you to keep other, possibly more important things in mind since you don't have to "try to remember" to send a message later (very helpful when a birthday is coming, so you don't miss it! Schedule it now while you're thinking of it. 😉) This also allows you to remind others who connect with you of your boundaries. If messages/replies/posts typically come from you during certain periods of the day only, people will recognize this and work with it.
Do Not Disturb - A built in feature on our devices of all kinds that is often underutilized. By turning this on, we can eliminate our "device telling us when to check it" and WE regain control of WHEN we check our messages etc. We can also set our favourite contacts to still ring through the DND setting so that if there's an emergency with a loved one, we'll get it. By using this quick, easy feature, we can protect our time and energy.
Unread text/email - I hear it often from clients; "I saw your message, but then forgot to reply". One reason is most likely that we're checking messages when we're doing something else at the same time. Not the best practice, unless you like creating more stress for yourself. However, it's also understandable then as to why we forget to reply back (or read the message/email) later. The ideal way to practice change is to SINGLE TASK rather than multitask in your day (this is a whole other post in itself!). If you're busy doing something else, DON'T check messages, emails etc. Another way to work with this for you folks who just can't drop the multitasking late 1990's-early 2000's "way of doing things" is, after you've read the email or text, click "mark as unread". This eliminates you FORGETTING later because the email/text message is bolded, in your face to say "OH RIGHT! I have to reply back to this person".
*Side Note: I truly believe we don't "forget" as often as we think. The issue is that the human brain can only process so much information at a time and in a day. We take in information incessantly today that our brains don't have the ability to take it all in, let alone store that information for later.
Take Control
We act like we "don't have control" in many aspects of our life, yet we do LITTLE to NOTHING to actually BE IN CONTROL. Our devices are DESIGNED TO GRAB OUR ATTENTION. Our instinctual reactions to things that are shiny, new and entertaining for example is to "run to them". In order to take control we first have to be aware of these facts. FOLLOWED BY taking those facts and doing something about it.
One thing I've experienced more and more over the past two years is ALOT OF TALK, and ZERO ACTION TO BACK IT UP. STOP TALKING about "needing to spend less time on your phone". TALKING about it does NOTHING. CHANGE SOMETHING. ANYTHING. Something very small is a great place to start! For the next 2-weeks, set a boundary for yourself and do it DAILY. No matter what. For example - When you first wake up in the morning, DO NOT check your phone (don't even go near it) for 1-hour. Just having control of 1-hour per day will set you apart from many others and make a big difference in your deep health moving forward.
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DO YOU NEED HELP WITH THIS??? 'Coach D' is a certified Sleep, Stress Management and Recovery Coach, and these are the types of things that are causing so much stress. It's those hidden stressors we sometimes don't realize are what are draining our energy, lowering our mood and bumming out our outlook on life.
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